Love in the Dark
by drisles
Summary: A phone call, a wedding, and four text messages.


**A/N:** See end for prompt.

xxxx

"This is Dr. Isles," Maura answered, still half asleep. She hadn't been on call in months, but old habits were hard to break.

There was a long pause.

"Hello?" she tried again.

"Hey," a familiar voice finally responded and Maura was suddenly very alert.

"Jane?"

"Yeah. Hey," she repeated. "I'm sorry, it sounds like I woke you. I didn't mean to－"

"Why did you call?" Maura interrupted. She heard music and the clinking of glassware in the background. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. I'm fine, a little drunk but," she hiccuped, "ok, _a lot_ drunk. I'm at my cousin's wedding, surrounded by all these stupid happy couples and I can't stop thinking about you. About us. How all _this c_ ould've been us." She hiccuped again. "I miss you, Maura."

"Jane－"

"I know, I know. I have no right to say that to you. Not after everything I did, after hurting you, but I miss you. I miss you so fucking much."

Maura was on the verge of tears.

"You're drunk, Jane."

"So? That doesn't make it any less true!" she yelled and quickly apologized for her tone.

There was another pause in the conversation. Maura was unsure of what to say and wasn't willing to open herself up to a woman who would probably forget the conversation by morning. She was about to end the call when Jane broke the silence.

"Come get me."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Please, Maura. I need you."

Maura shut her eyes to keep the tears from falling.

"Text me the address," she said with a sigh and hung up the phone.

xxxx

After three unanswered calls and twenty minutes of waiting in her car, Maura found herself wandering around a large venue. In her leggings and loose-fitting sweater, she felt vulnerable and terribly out of place without her shield of couture and face of expertly applied makeup. She regretted not taking the time to at least put on mascara.

As Maura entered the reception hall, music loud and lights low, she was just about to try Jane again when she heard her name being called by a familiar voice.

"Maura!"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around.

"Angela. Hello," she managed to say with a smile she hoped looked sincere as Angela pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Oh it's so good to see you, sweetheart." Angela pulled back. "How have you been? It's been so long."

"Angela－"

"Ah. Ah. Ah. Don't try to apologize, Maura. Jane told me everything."

Maura couldn't hide her shocked expression. "She did?"

"Mhmm. And I absolutely understand. No hard feelings. I'm just happy your mother has finally realized you're worth spending time with."

Maura's face transformed from shock to utter confusion. She shook her head. "I'm sorry, what exactly did Jane tell you?"

Angela gave her a funny look before explaining. "She said I needed to move out of the guest house because you were having renovations done so your mother could come and stay with you for a while. Said you felt so guilty about having to ask me to leave that she offered to do it for you. Always the sweet one, you are" Angela smiled and squeezed Maura's upper arms. "You could've told me yourself, sweetheart. I would've understood. You're like my daughter too, you know."

Maura's throat started to constrict; a tingling on her neck. Her eyes began to water.

"So," Angela began again, "how are those renovations coming? Has your mother moved in yet?"

Maura scratched her throat. She didn't know she could get hives from someone else's lies. "Oh, I－"

"Maura!"

She whipped her head around, thankful for the interruption.

"Tommy," she exhaled with relief.

"Excuse us, Ma," he said over Maura's shoulder before guiding the doctor over to a nearby table. He placed a glass of water in front of her as they both sat down.

"Thank you," she replied and took a sip.

"How've you been?" he asked. "Miss seein' ya at Sunday dinners."

Maura's lips curled in a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I…" she paused. Unsure of what to say. "I miss you, too. All of you," she replied honestly. "How is TJ?"

Tommy smiled at her. "Great. He's doing great. Walking and talking, asking a million questions. I bet you'd get a kick out of 'em. You were always so good with him."

Maura quickly wiped away a tear that had trickled down her cheek.

"Ah, shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to－"

"No." Maura shook her head. "No, please don't. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just..." she gestured vaguely with her hand and wiped away another tear. "Don't worry about it."

Tommy gave her a moment to compose herself before continuing their conversation. "So, what're you doing here? Jane invite you?"

They both laughed as Maura looked down at her attire. "Does it look like I knew I'd be coming here tonight?"

Tommy grinned. "I didn't want to say anything, but you do look－"

"Terrible?"

"Out of place, but definitely not terrible."

Maura gave him an appreciative smile. "Jane called me," she explained. "Said she was drunk and needed a ride home, but now that I'm here she's not answering her phone and I can't find her."

Tommy furrowed his brow. "Why would she call you when her whole family is here?" Maura winced. "Shit, sorry that's not how I meant for that to sound. You're family, too. Of course you are, but… I just meant, we would've made sure she got home ok, you know?"

"I know," Maura smiled. "Have you seen her anywhere?"

Tommy glanced around the room, looking for his sister. "Oh! You know what? I think the last time I saw her, she said she needed some air." He pointed to one of the glass doors at the side of the room. "Maybe try the balcony."

Maura nodded. "Thank you." She moved to stand up, but Tommy stopped her with a gentle squeeze to her wrist.

"Jane's an idiot."

Maura opened and closed her mouth a few times before words finally formed. "She told you about us?"

"Of course not. But I'm the genius in the family, remember?" He grinned.

With a gesture that surprised them both, Maura pulled Tommy in for a hug. "You're a great brother, Tommy," she whispered against his shoulder. "They don't give you enough credit."

"And you're a great sister," he whispered in return, causing Maura to shudder against him. When she pulled back, her eyes were glassy with tears.

With one last squeeze of her hand, Tommy wished her luck as she made her way to the balcony door.

She took a deep breath and pushed.

xxxx

Maura found Jane sitting against the wall of the balcony, knees pulled in against her chest. A bottle of champagne at her feet, a plate of cake at her side.

When Jane became aware of Maura's presence, she smiled. A little guilty, mostly drunk and definitely happy to see her.

"Hey," she said quietly.

Maura wanted to be furious. Wanted to yell or cry or both. There were so many reasons to be upset with the woman in front of her, yet despite it all, she couldn't help but return the gesture. She loved this woman, even when she tried not to.

"Are you ready to go?" Maura asked.

"Sit with me for a little bit."

"Jane－"

"Please?" she begged with those puppy dog eyes.

Maura sighed and against her better judgement compiled with Jane's request. "Fine. But only because chocolate is my favorite," she said as she gestured to the plate of cake before sitting down next to Jane.

Jane grinned. "Why do you think I got two pieces?"

"No silverware?"

Jane shrugged and reached over to take a small piece between her thumb and index finger. She plopped it into her mouth.

Maura shook her head in disapproval, but mimicked Jane's actions.

They sat in silence for while. The weight of what needed to be said hung heavy between them, but they tried to ignore it. Tried to enjoy the moment for what it was. Two friends, eating cake. Nothing more, nothing less.

Jane took a swig of champagne straight from the bottle before breaking the silence. "You look beautiful," she said. Her eyes focused on Maura's profile.

Maura scoffed.

"You do," Jane confirmed. "You know I always liked you best in the morning. No makeup, no clothes."

"Jane." It was a warning. A warning that Jane didn't listen to.

"I meant what I said on the phone. I miss you, Maura."

Maura closed her eyes. "Please don't do this Jane. Not here." She started to cry when she felt Jane reach for her hand, bringing it to her mouth and kissing away the cake crumbs and frosting.

"Do what?" Jane hummed in her sultry voice. Her tongue swirled around Maura's fingertips. A small moan bubbled out from Maura's throat before she abruptly pulled her hand away and stood up.

"No, Jane! You don't… you don't get to do that!" she yelled as she began to pace back and forth. "You don't get to miss me and touch me and act like nothing happened!"

"You _left_ , Maura!"

"You," Maura spat, " _you_ broke up with me!"

"I didn't think you'd leave!" Jane shouted back from her spot on the floor. "I didn't think you'd quit your job and kick my mother out and never speak to me again!"

Maura stopped pacing to look at Jane, her hands coming to rest on her hips. "And what _did_ you think Jane? When you broke up with me, what did you think would happen? You thought we'd just go back to being friends? Colleagues? Act like nothing happened?" Jane said nothing. "Is that what you thought?" Maura pushed further.

"I… yes." Jane admitted quietly in defeat.

The laughter that came out of Maura's mouth was humorless. "Unbelievable," she muttered, turning her back to Jane as she rested her elbows against the balcony's ledge.

"You want to know why I left?" she asked after a while, her voice calmer than it was before. She glanced over her shoulder to see Jane nod.

"I needed space. I took that job because I needed to learn how to live without you again. Without your family. And I miss you－them－ every single day, but when you broke up with me, Jane, you broke up with me. That's it. I'm all you lost when you said those words to me." She took a deep breath and turned around to face Jane. "But I didn't just lose you. I lost my family." Her voice cracked. "Tommy, Frankie, TJ… and Angela." She wiped quickly at her cheeks. "You couldn't even tell her the truth? Not after all this time?"

Jane looked down at her lap, ashamed.

"She loves you, Jane. You really think she cares who you fall in love with? She just wants you to be happy. _I_ want you to be happy."

"I know, but－"

"But _what_ , Jane?"

"I was afraid!" Jane yelled and stumbled to her feet. "I was afraid of what she'd say, afraid of what the guys would think." She shuffled over to Maura. "I was afraid of hurting you, of not being enough for you, not－"

"That isn't for you to decide! You don't get to decide what I deserve, Jane. You were enough. You have always been more than enough for me," she said sadly.

"Maura," Jane reached out to hold her hands and Maura let her take them. "I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Maura asked.

"Of course I am."

"I don't know if I believe you."

"What do I need to do to prove it to you?"

Maura is quiet for a long time before she responds.

"I need you to let me go."

"What?" Jane nearly cried.

"I need you to let me go," she repeated. "And I need you to think about what it is you want and how much of your life you'll let me be a part of, because I love you Jane. With everything I have, I love you. But I can't love you in the dark."

Jane looked at her with confused eyes.

"I need you to decide if my love is worth the risk."

"Maura－"

"No, I'm serious Jane. Take some time, I don't want you to tell me now. You're drunk and you probably won't even remember this conversation in the morning and I'll have to start all over again."

"Start what?"

"Trying to get over you."

Before she lost her nerve, Maura leaned in and kissed Jane on the corner of her mouth in the hopes of having something to hold onto.

She instantly regretted it. The familiarity of it all was too much and she quickly pulled away, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. She was halfway to the door when Jane called out.

"Maura, wait!"

"I'll ask Tommy to give you a ride home," she said without looking back.

xxxx

The next morning, Maura's phone chimed loudly and much too early for a Sunday. She rolled over, eyes puffy from a night of crying and blindly swiped her thumb across the screen. The messages that appeared made her cry for an entirely different reason.

JANE  
6:07 AM: I told ma.  
6:10 AM: Your love is worth the risk.  
6:10 AM: YOU are worth the risk, Maura.  
6:11 AM: I love you.

 _End._

* * *

 **A/N:** This was written for a prompt on tumblr from a post break up post by tragicashwritingpromts: _"it´s my [insert family relation here]´s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us."_

Also, the line "I can't love you in the dark," is from Adele's fabulous new song with the same name as this story.

Thoughts appreciated.


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